>> Sleepless.

Hence I'm online posting on a Monday morning despite work in a few hours.

A 45-minute phone call has inspired a new theory in me.
It started with this statement,
"(As much as) it is important to have mutual friends among you and your partner,
It is also important to have your own friends."

[ Theory ]
If your partner restricts you to establish friendships,
Or maintain your current ones properly,
You'll soon find that your sole source of dependence is only your partner.
Why ?
Because of the lack of other channels of communication,
Dependency has to be built on the only one available - the partner.
Hence everytime your relationship hit the rocks,
You'll inevitably feel a sense of loss,
As that was the only thing you have made your life out of.
( I was almost a victim of this kinda crap too. )

The Moral ? Think about it.

Does anyone remember this HKTVB series called Da Shi Dai ?
And in it, was this guy played by Adam Cheng called Ding Xie ?
The guy who has a warped sense of logic, always thinks he is right,
Or somehow get to argue his points in such a way that the others seem warped.
My friends and I used to wonder how can a person like this exist on earth.

Aha!
What do we know?
Recently, I found such a person among the people I know.
Throw in a disease called Selective Memory,
What do we get ?
Something very screwed up, of course.
I'm plain angry and sad.

It sucks when ridiculous things hurts people you care about,
Yet you can't do a fuck about it.
The worst thing that can happen to anyone,
Is to lose him/herself.

Went to a new place at Chinatown area.
Didn't even know there was a PLU event before I went in.
Asked the doorbitch, "Uhh, what's up tonight?"
"Oooh loads of fun! *laughs* Why don't you just go in?"
"Alright."

Crowd of an age I can actually relate to !
Had two Stella Artois, cranberry vodka & Sambuka,
And had quite a bit of fags.
Met Jeanette there with her other half,
And had a nice catching up session.

If I don't go for another one tomorrow,
Today will be the last clubbing session for the next 4-5 weeks.
I'm gonna miss my Sambuka.

:: Resolutions for May ::

1_ Not to spend money on clubbing, fagging & unnecessary (midnight) cabfares
[because I'm saving up for a good cause].
2_ Never to say that I'm bored or sian (unless sian in terms of sick and tired)
[because there are a lot of things that I need to do]
3_ To not waste too much time on the Internet
[because there are a lot of things that needs to be settled]

And I'm announcing this so that you all won't ask me out for drinks and to clubs.
Remind me of these 3 things ok? It's only for a month.

Ronnie,
If it was you who left the message on the tag-board,
I just want you to know that I'd like to contact you.
Asked Van for your contact,
But she had to respect your decision when you said it was unwise to do so.
If this is the only way I have to write to you, don't you think it kinda sucks ?
Dreamt I got your address last night, except that it said USA. Then I woke up.
Ha. I don't know if using the word dream is a very apt word.
Hope you're doing fine.

[ Added bit after reading Van's message ]

Enjoy the sunshine, London's kinda gray.
And, if your decision remains unchanged,
Then check this blog at least once in 2 months alright?

>> Stevie B's Dream About You on Winamp

Most of Good Friday and Saturday was spent playing a new game.
First Close Contact. (sic)
Based on a chinese short story posted online,
It's about an internet relationship,
In which the girl dies in the end due to some terminal disease.
How very clich� but nevertheless sad.
I'm determined to see if the end may be changed.
But it's damn hard to play.
The shrink tells me where to go to meet the girls,
But meeting That One online is freaking hard to control.
What's more,
The guy I'm playing doesn't like going online to check frequently.
What an idiotic moron.
Perhaps the lesson to be learnt is just that we can't really force fate,
Not even in computer games.

The rain always brings the blues.
And as I was typing that I realise I typed that yesterday as well.

IRC conversation today.
Me: How was your day?
Somegirl: fine thanks. u?
Me: long. blue. gray.
S.G.: y?
Me: Rainy days always make me blue.
S.G.: u dun dun lk rain.. theres always a rainbow after tt
Me: I love rain. I love the smell of rain.
Rain makes me blue but i love it anyway
Like how some people make you blue but u love them anyway.

Been blasting Someday We'll Know by New Radicals on repeat.
Read about Samson and Delilah, and Amelia Lockhart on the Internet.
Rainy days always bring the blues.
Or is there something else ?

>> Interrogation Day .

Mom asked me a whole collection of questions today,
Stuff that I wondered if she has pre-planned...

Started with asking me why I came home so late yesterday,
Which was incredibly astounding,
Considering that was the first time in months I came home before 1 am on a Friday.
So I said I was having dinner with An,
And that sparked off her whole list of questions.
First she asked who is An,
Then...

Mom : Haven't seen Sophir & thegirlwhostaysnearHougang a very long time...
Me: I see Sophir now and then lah, but Van's been busy.
Mom : Oh ok. Then there is the girl who stays at YCK/Sembawang,
the one you was teaching homework, how are her exams? What's her name arh?
Me (mutters) : Oh, Fiona. It was Project, not homework.
Mom :Then you two never keep in touch meh?
Me (lying): Got lah, but seldom lah.
Mom: Oh ok... I realised you got a lot of friends arh!
*speechless*

Told a friend about this during lunch,
And said I am just glad she didn't ask about Pet.

But guess what?
After dinner, I was telling her that I was doing an ID job for Nette's aunt,
And while she was trying to recall who Nette was,
She suddenly asked about thegirlwhohadmanyearholes.
*yelps silently*

Mom: Actually who is she arh?
Me: Huh? Junior loh. From Raffles.
Mom: Oh... Are you still in touch with her?
Me : No lar, no more.
Mom: Why arh?
Me : Huh? Why? She changed mobile number loh.
Mom : She changed and she don't wanna give u arh !!
Me : Aiyar no lah, we didn't bother to swop lah.
Gee. :\

Impromptu arrangement yesterday
- Watch Invitation To Treat yesterday with Jean H and Julienne.
Loved it - everyone, especially homophobics, should watch this.
Finally saw legendary chio bu Clarissa after 4 years of hearing about her.
Jean and Ju caught my eyes roving. :/P

Went East Coast Park today for some manual labour,
Team mate dropped some girls and I off at United Square.
It seems quite nice ever since they renovated it,
Though I've never stepped in.
Amidst the deadtown, spotted Genki Sushi.
Wondered if they are giving special discounts during bad times like these.
Overslept on the bus home, overshot by one stop.
Bad news : It was raining mammoths & dinosaurs.
Wanted to run back home,
But ended up walking in the ankle-deep water.
It's good being rained on, reminds me of old days.
I felt alive, but most importantly, I felt.
Sucks that I had to go into the bathroom straightaway thanks to Mom.

Mom heard some news about SGH having SARS problems as well,
And that was the very same ward she and her friends visited.
She's been having a backache, but it might be because of her yoga.
I've been having a backache too, but it might be from fund-raising.
By the way, the fifth person who died of SARS? An old lady?
That's my aunt's mother-in-law. :/

Having complex feelings regarding feedback on my personality.
Am feeling oddly disturbed with too many questions in my head.
Perplexed ? Perturbed ? Maybe the word is simply Fucked.
Dear parts of my life, thanks for, well, being a part of my life.
Forgive me if I should vanish one day, silently.

Notice:
Words like Damn, Fuck, Screw,and so on, act like punctuations.
i.e. they do not necessary express anger, depression, or other related emotions perceived.
e.g. Sven and I had a damn good time shopping for stuff. Rebecca is fucking chio.
Meanwhile, words like Friends, Love, Care, are suffering from depreciation on my index.

Getting super-sick of overused words in our daily lives,
But I think fuck is truly a very versatile word. (Ever heard the 'fuck' clip?)

Despite what's been going on,
I don't want to see myself as victimised (and I believe non of you think I was),
And I don't believe that I have victimised anyone.
since someone said, who wants to look like you?

Who would imagine that the refusal to look like another could cause such fuss?
If someone rejected the thought that we look similar,
And I believe we indeed look different, I will simply concur.
That's all there should be to it - why should there be more?

Didn't want to take some comments personally,
But how unpersonal should one view a blatant personal attack ?
It is difficult to see very direct and clear statements from another perspective.
( Ok Svenie, to you it's probably nothing compared to what you've got )
As much as I hate to admit, there is a barrage of stuff going on in me,
And I don't know how to tackle them when I can't specify wth they are.

It became clear that certain parts of the past are always conveniently erased.
Do suggest what I should think & how I should feel,
When the time spent together became the cause of the current impression.

What goes around comes around,
Perhaps a certain person whom I still love might read this out of concern,
Will be reminded of how hard it was when she tried to justify herself to me.
Perhaps the people who read this out of boredom will finally be pleased,
Now that it's being insinuated on someone's blog that I've got an ugly personality.
And maybe that's why ex-s can't keep in touch with me,
Be it an ex-girlfriend or ex-fling.

Realisation ? Enlightenment ?
We all learn something new everyday.

I have to stop writing all these long posts,
Before I bore everyone, including myself, to death.
And sometimes I think, I shouldn't have not give a fuck.