Long Day.

First to arrive at the office this morning.
Also set off the security alarm.
Panicked and searched for the security code,
While the alarm went on and on.
After some fumbling,
Finally found the security code,
And remembered how to unset the alarm.
Finished my work by half past 11.
Thank my lucky stars that the architect didn't come back,
Cos if she does I'm bound to have to stay for more work.

Met Jun at 1ish at NikeTown.
Recognised her easily as she looks exactly like in her pictures.
Walked along Regent Street, Shaftesbury Avenue, etc.
And finally arrived at Long Acre after 25 minutes.
That is a pretty good timing,
Considering how she has already gone in quite a number of shops,
Plus bought a couple of things by then.

Love the interior design of the REPLAY shop,
Love the stripey shirts at Ted Baker.
Love the scarfs and shirts in Paul Smith.

Jun was already bags of acquisitions by the time we left Long Acre,
Including some Christmas presents,
And a necklace from Paul Smith ---
Wishbone plus a star plus a 'Wish' word pendants,
And a ruby at the back where the clip/lock-thing is.
Like who can notice!
Saleslady said it will be noticed when the hair is up,
So hopefully Jun remembers this.

By this time,
I was already totally impressed by her shopping ways ---
Fast and Furious.
There is just no other way to describe it!
Most of all, I truly appreciate her decisiveness.
Really makes the whole experience much easier for me!

Cabbed to Harrods (first time in a cab in London!).
After a snack-break at the sushi bar,
Jun happily went to grab pairs after pairs of earrings.
My favourite was this blue pair with crystals,
Which was incidentally the cheapest item she bought.

Walked past a Swarovski shop at Knightsbridge,
And there were trains running at the display window,
Transpotting loads of crytals.
Very high cool and cute factors.

After parting with Jun at Victoria Station,
I decided to take a contemplative walk back to the West End.
Was a little afraid to walk through St Jame's Park,
After recalling new of a lady robbed & raped in Hyde Park.
Kept to the main roads where cars drove by constantly.
And bingo!
I arrived at Trafalgar Square after goodness knows how long.
Took lesser time than I expected,
But my legs were dying & I felt super hot.
Ended up being the only person in a t-shirt holding a jacket in London.

Leicester Square was filled with people.
There was a Christmas fun-fair set up in the square,
With carrousels, bumper cars, etc.
I tried the 'claw' machines to grab a Woody (from Toy Story),
But it was too difficult.
Went to pick up some groceries at Berwick Street,
And bumped into Kaz & Monica who were getting wine.
Next Saturday's clubbing-party is on.
Yay.

Work work work work.
That's what life has been,
And will be till Christmas.
No more girls, yay.
Need to go back to work tomorrow,
Since I left the office at 9pm today.
Was terribly frustrated at work today.
The architect needs to learn know when to stop.

Met Audrey for our last dinner in London.
Audrey's going back to KL on Monday.
Believe it or not,
MAL is fully booked for the whole of December.
And she is lucky to get the last minute air tickets back.
We spoke about how she told her head off last night,
When she got very pissed at a Soho Bar.
French dude with poor interpersonal skills.
It was a really good session this evening,
With good chinese food at Wong Kei,
And coffee at Starbucks after that.
I figured we click cos we are both blatantly frank at times,
And at the same time, straightforward and honest.

We bidded each other goodbye at Oxford Circus.
Think I'll miss hanging out with Audrey.
Hope to see her back in Asia sometime soon.

Woozy is the word for tonight!
Went to G-A-Y at 1915 for Angela's party,
And Phoebe was the only one there!
We chilled till Angela came with Kenny,
But Phoebe had to leave early.
Coffee, Ansa, Kaz, Lexy & Kav came later.
Bumped into JW & her friend Serena there,
And had a good time talking to them.
All of us played Truth or Dare,
Which was determined by spinning the bottle.
Basically, most people had no choice.
It was always Dare ---
Kaz stripped danced for us, showing her underwear,
And kissed a dyke on her lips;
Angela kissed a girl on her lips;
Kenny was kissed by a dude on his lips;
Kav kissed another girl on her lips;
I kissed a dyke on her cheeks and lips,
Plus kiss a gay dude with tongue included.
I am SO bloody gay.
But it felt like nothing.
Angela teased me,
I duh-ed.

JW pulled me to the loo to show me something.
It turned out that she just wanted to tell me,
She gave her number to the bar tender,
Despite having her date with her.
I am such a freaking 'gay buddy'.

Oh well.
Whatever it is,
At least I'm trying to pull myself away from the stupid prank.
And I still can't stand lawyers.

Capoeira today was pretty good.
However, I fell asleep on the bus trip back,
And when I woke up it was all dark,
Although it was not even 5 pm.
Strange enough,
The bus was going back in the direction I came from.
Got down to wait at the bus stop across the road,
Froze in the cold wind and rain again.
Ran to H&M to buy clothing once I got back to town.
Spent 30 quids at the Kids department,
Since that is the only place that has sizes that fit me.
Not too bad for a hooded tee & a jacket, I think.

Wrote a mail to Yan on Friday,
Telling her how crap I've been feeling.
Perhaps it was the knowledge,
That some things will never happen.
Perhaps it is the crepe party,
Which is now cancelled due to a lack of venue.
Perhaps it is my impatience,
And my dipping tolerance for lack of courtesy.
I know it is definitely not work,
Although I work overtime daily.

Hopefully Angela's birthday party tomorrow helps.

Met Phoebe for dinner tea at First Out.
She was reunited with her friend Lee,
Who was working behind the counter.
Lee has nice piercings on his left ear.
We talked about people & gay movies.
Phoebe said she'll bring Lee & I along,
For the next university gay parties.
'Kinky' at King's,
'Mind The Gap' at LSE, etc.
I can't wait.

Left my keys at home.
Couldn't get the flatemates.
Called and texted a few people.
In the end, I walked to buy a baguette,
And stood in the cold at the backdoor to wait.
Was wondering how the homeless survive,
Besides having their thick sleeping bag and jacket.
One hour later, they finally came home.
Due to the rain & low temperatures today,
My hands were frozen, as much as my head.
I really almost fell alseep in the cold.
Need to warm up now and get some rest.
I feel like I'm gonna fall sick.

Thurday's night out with Kaz didn't realise,
As the basement of the club was flooded.
Saved me cover charges (don't come with a drink here!),
But I was already sloshed on cheap Saffa white wine.
Had to finish one whole bottle,
Cos Kaz was still drunk from Wed's party.

Chelvin came down from Cambridge on Friday.
Together with Jia we had dinner at this Malaysian restaurant.
Laksa, Hokkien Mee (not the prawn type), Curry chicken, Kang Kong.
Costed about S$90 if you convert!
The servings were really large though,
I ate part of their share for them cos they couldnt finish.
Yikes, it suddenly sank in why I am putting on weight.

Just watched "BULLY" on DVD.
Loads of sex and violence.
Crabs eating the eyeballs of a corpse.
* queasy *
Good show set in Florida.
Man, I so miss Nicole.

I dreamt about the tough cookie again last night.
Urghs.

There are always strikes going on in London,
And the most recent is of course the anti-Bush ones.
Phoebe went for one of those at lunch today,
And I would have joined her,
If not for the fact that it was an LSE group.

I must be super tired.
Knocked the side of my head into a door,
As I was trying to walk through it.

Slept later than expected yesterday.
Met Angela & Kaz at G-A-Y for cheap drinks,
Then to Candy Bar's karaoke night.
Of course I didn't sing.
Won't want ang mors to laugh at my accent.
Got to know a heap of people yesterday.
One of them even showed me her tits.
A picture of it, in her mobile phone.
Gluttony must be in my blood,
Cos despite reaching home whoozy,
I managed to cook myself maggi noodles.
Explains the weight increase.

Going out with Kaz again tonight,
Although I don't think I'm up to it.

Walked home without a jacket in the cold,
Cos the fire within was burning strong.
For some reason, I'm in annoyed.
And it isn't even about unreciprocated feelings.
Niceness taken for granted.
Bah, no more being sweet.

An email from Nicole cheered me up.
Sadly, she wouldn't be going to SG. :(
Please please please come London in 2004.
*cross fingers & toes*

Dream about a primary school teacher, Mrs Martha Tan.
Might be because there was a Martha at Tiger Tiger last week.
It was a bizarre dream.
I can't recall if she was no longer Mrs Tan for some reason,
Or she was introducing us to her caucasian husband.
+
Dreamt of the cookie for the 3rd time in four nights.
The frequency kinda scares me,
As dreams about a person one already fancy,
Often makes one like them little bit more each time.
Kevlar who knows best said, do not date lawyers.
Think it should be "Don't fall for lawyers."
What do you do when your favourite cookie,
Is chipping your teeth everytime you try a nibble?
Or worse, burning your hands even before you take a bite?
Why can't some people just be nicer?
>:(

+
Finally caught Bel online again after nearly two years.
'School flower' (ok, school belle) of my first primary school.
She said 'hun' --- exact spelling --- and I felt weird.
I should really just try to see the past as some kind of evil prank.
Anyway, can't wait to see Bel --- after 13 years!
May pull Maddy along too since she lives in the vicinity.
Then everyone will start thinking Jack chats girls up again,
Which is so not true.
Sven said perhaps because I am often in the company of babes.
Hey, I can't help it if my friends turn out to be so gorgeous can? ;P
=
Freakin' tired and hungry.
2204h, in the office still, no dinner.
Let indulgence work be my luxury, yeah.
And my headache is killing me.

Skipped capoeira today,
For the wrongest reasons.
But at least I got my answers.

I shed tears today.
Real tears, real emotions.
For something virtual.

Fuck those feelings that blew down the walls of defence.
Fuck them because whomever who blew it down,
Will never be around to pick up the pieces,
Not even if I'm lying on my death bed.

It isn't a romantic fantasy that made me come.
It isn't a hunting down session that I'm here for.
It is just an act of being true to what lies in me.
At least now I know I've done whatever I wanted to.

Let me not shed a tear for memories anymore.

Ming is trying to be a good friend,
By saying things to put down cookie-girl,
So I will stop thinking about her.
She thinks it wouldn't do me good.
Told her it is a very pure form of liking,
That I haven't experienced since secondary school.
Purity isn't good for me too, she thinks.

I know Ming is doing this out of her love for me.
But I'm afraid I'll disappoint her.
Because I just keep thinking,
About the things she said,
The way she said them,
The way she looked.
Do I have to wait another 5 weeks?
I'm doomed.

Woke up at an early 9.45 a.m.,
Despite having slept at 6 a.m.
And I dreamt of Karen throwing another party,
I was more than happy to wake up to such images.
They still didn't dance in the dream,
Likewise for yesterday.
What a waste --- it'd have been good to see dancers dance.

And I seem to have this thing for cookies,
That are hard on the outside,
But soft and sweet inside. :p

Fuck, where is the blog I typed earlier?
Shall do it all over again, bah.

Went Tiger Tiger after a long day at work.
Arrive with a bouquet for birthday girl Karen,
And an orange rose for each of the girls.
Kathy had three cos she was organiser, haha.
Met Margaret, Martha, Aisha, Yuki and Erik.

The birthday cake was fantastic,
White and dark chocolate.
It looked so fabulous that even the server whispered,
'That looks soooo goooood.'
Kathy offered them the cake in kind.
Servers were extremely happy.

Marg, Martha and Aisha left early.
The rest of us went to level 2 to get drinks after dinner.
Yuki and Erik left soon after,
While Jia who said she'd go stayed till the end, haha.

Had such a smashin' time,
I wish it didn't have to end.
Cookie-girl looked good tonight.
And I'm completely smitten.
Too bad she has someone else in mind.

Left work early today to meet Jia,
Despite having not done a lot of stuff,
That is required when we meet the director tomorrow.
Needed to buy Karen's present.
Think I'll just go to work at 7 a.m. tomorrow.
We settled for a leather bag at Mango.

Went with Teck for dinner at Wong Kei (yet again).
He didn't know how I was in total agreement with him,
When we came to the issue of letting fate lead our paths.
When you've loved someone with all you can,
And it fails to work out, you will never feel the same again.
There is nothing that will make you give that much anymore,
Because there is no one who can make you feel that much anymore.

Is there any girl in the world,
Who would be happy enough to be with a guy,
Who can only love her second-best?
I think Teck found one.
I don't think I'll ever find one.
It isn't fair, but it is inevitable.

Had a terrible shock while on MSN with this girl.
Her user picture reminded me so much of the only picture I have of Ronnie.
It was just the angle of the shots.
And the face they were making.
Maybe all girls sticking their tongues out look similar.
They can't be the same person, of course.
I need to rest.

Woke up to a gray morning.
It is only nice,
Only if one does not have to work.
But I have to.
Came online to seek my sunshine.
Yes, she was online.
But she had a nightmare,
So it wasn't all so pleaseing.

Walked into the streets from my apartment,
Only to realise it was raining.
Made myself a cup of tea once I reached work,
And that made me appreciate the rain.

Checked my email at lunch.
I received two emails from two girls ---
Hell, of course I opened Nicole's first!
She is alright, just busy, & she promised to write more.
Don't know how to describe the relief & joy I felt.
All I know is that a warm fuzzy feeling running in my bloodstream,
For the very first time in many months.
I don't know how I'd react if Ronnie wrote.
Perhaps I'll take half the day off.
Drank a little wine after work with Kaz and co.
Kinda like a little celebration on my part.

Despite eating maggi with spinach for dinner again,
Today is a good day. :]

Phoned home last weekend.
Ah Gong finally asked Mom after almost 4 months,
'Where is your kid? So long haven't come.'
Mom was quite happy,
Because Ah Gong has Alzheimer's.
'You remember?'
'Of cos I do!'
3rd Aunt, whose boy is in army, asked him,
'How about my son? Do you remember him?'
'Huh, you got a son meh?'
She was very upset.

+

It may be the alcohol from last 2 weeks,
Or it may be simply just me.
I feel souless,
And have been feeling so for a long time.
Just that I only noticed it today,
Just that I only found the name for it today.

I'm just a brain controlling a flesh sac known as my body.
Or perhaps I cannot even call it a brain anymore,
For it does not think,
And it does not remember.
I look, but I do not see.
I listen, but I do not hear.
I touch, but I do not feel.
Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?
I do not know.

What do you call it when you have a tummyache,
But there is only one bathroom in the house,
And your flatmate is taking his shower?
Deep shit is the term, man.

Got to know a Danish girl at Capoeira today.
Can't recall her name,
Likely because we shook hands when she was naked.
Met Karen & CC for dinner at Wong Kei,
Followed by coffee at Caffe Nero.
Think I shall watch a DVD now.
Storytelling.
Synopsis says it is a show about college & high school.

Reminds me of Road Trip.
Claimed it was the greatest love story ever told in that school.
Will my story ever become the greatest love story on the internet?
Ha.

Saturday was quiet.
Stayed home to chat with people online,
While waiting for Karen to call for coffee.
Watched a French comedy called 'The Closet' on DVD.
Pretty entertaining and well done.
The phone call never came.
Headed to Carnaby Street's Ben Sherman store.
Beatles collection weren't on display,
But from the price tags I figured I should get them in SG.

Met Pearlie at Leicester Square,
Headed to Southopia at Kennington.
A very chillout place with nice atmosphere,
Where people can hear each other speak.
We played the 3 questions thing,
And guessed each other's secondary school accurately.
Singapore is so small that we uncovered mutual friends.
Our talk about food is making me crave for prata.
Decided to walk her back to her apartment block,
Only to realise Ming and her stay in the same estate.
Dropped by Ming's place to visit,
And was treated with sago dessert.

After careful analysis of work schedule,
I have decided to skip the dinner at TigerTiger.
However, I will turn up for after-dinner drinks.

Club visits to alcohol intake ratio is increasing;
That may not be so bad afterall.
Went to a club again yesterday.
Thrid time this week.
Something is wrong,
But I don't know what.
Or maybe I don't want to know.

Meeting someone this evening to head to another club.
Someone I don't know yet.
Hope it will help me take my mind off things.
Things that I don't know what they are.

Owe the blog a post about the weekend.
Here it is, and it is a very long one.

Saturday morning 10 a.m.
Chelvin's call made me crawl out of bed.
The alcohol, cold and long journey back last night,
Didn't take a toll on my energy level, surprisingly.
After cleaning up the kitchen with NC,
I bused over to Jia's for lunch.
With our powers combined,
We made yummy white wine sauce chicken pasta.

Jia left to watch EPL Live at White Hart Lane.
Tottenham Spurs VS Bolton Wanderers.
37 quids, with Teck, Karen and her friend, CC.
Chelvin & I stayed in.
Ended up talking about a whole range of stuff,
Stuff I think we never imagined we'd talk to each other about.
It was a good session I enjoyed alot.

Met Audrey at Tottenham Court Road Virgin shop at half 7.
Drank a bottle of red wine at my place before heading to French Kiss,
Grabbed some beer along the way to Barbican/Farringdon.
In the end I realised that the bar was so near Jia's place,
I should have just met Audrey there straightaway.

The crowd there was... very 'tough' in Audrey's words.
However, the folkds there were seemingly friendlier.
Monica was at the door, so we skipped cover charge. :D
Chatted with this Gold Coast girl at the bar.
Audrey kept saying that girl was sweet.
But I let her go.

Ended up sitting on the sofa with our bottle of red wine (again!).
Audrey found the girl beside me quite attractive.
The 'Hillary Swank' look --- feminine version.
I can't recall her name, but we called her Freckles.
She said that she smiled at us last week at Candy Bar,
But we snubbed her.
Hey, this is impossible.
She must have smiled when we were dead drunk.

The rest, I can't recall.
I was a little gone after the red wine.
All I recalled was walkin' around aimlessly,
Telling this girl Audrey & I aren't looking for relationships,
That we just wanna have fun & companionship ---
She told me to work on my lines.
Yo girl, I wasn't even trying.
Ah well, it doesn't always pay to be honest.

Audrey left, but I met Scott (coincidentally from Scotland).
Very nice gay dude who offered me fag after fag.
He said I didn't speak like an Asian,
Because my language is atrocious.
Pardon me, I'm French, I told him.
We talked alot though I can't recall what.
He introduced me to his sister Wendy.
We walked in the drizzle to the after-party party.
Scott told me on the way that he is sad that I am dick-less,
Cos he'd have liked me otherwise.
I said I'm upset about that too.

Afterparty party was at I-dunno-where.
Basically a very pills-driven place.
Lotsa people dancing to techno and trance.
Made me understood why she tried it.
Wendy left with Scott earlier than expected,
Cos Scott's eyes were bloodshot and tearing.
I mingled with Angela and her friends.
Met lotsa people I can't recall the names nor faces.
Spoke more to Helena and J.W.
When they went to do their own socialising later,
I started doodling tattoos out of boredom.
I can't remember who was my first 'canvas',
But the next thing I knew was I was drawing for 10 other people.
Most of them wanted chinese words.
Translation was a problem ---
What the hell is "to infinity and beyond" in chinese?!
The usual chinese stuff I'm fine.
I'm the 'expert', afterall.
Hurhur.

Helena was leaving with Angela and JW,
And I was invited along to crash at her place.
Kissed everyone goodbye.
I've never kissed so many people,
Nor been kissed by so many people in my life,
Albeit just pecking on the cheeks.
Cabbed to Helena's very fine apartment at Old Street.
I so love the high ceilings.
Like this girl's house I used to go last December.
We lazed on the sofas for abit.
JW is a fellow Gemini, how nice.
One of Helena's flatties was out for the weekend,
So there is a spare room.
I shared the room with JW,
While Angela shared Helena's.
Guess we must have been pretty tired,
Because our conversation in bed was drifting.
Then I noticed the clock read 06:32.
What a mad night of partying.

The next thing I know, it was Sunday morning.

Dead drunk.
No, dead whoozy.
On white wine.
I've been feelin' shit since last night.
And I cannot pin-point why.

Rushed work till 9pm,
Met Aud for drinks at Candy Bar,
Boredom drove us to Wong Kei for dinner.
Regretfully, I can't recall a shit other than the crunchy pork chop.

Received an email yesterday.
Someone's birthday is coming,
And something is going on at Tiger Tiger.
Basis is, 26 quids for dinner.
This is the menu.
Converting means abouit S$75.
Not converting still means about 4 meals.
Why are some cookies so damn tough?
Why are some cookies made of jade, gold & diamonds?

I am whooozy.
I know not what to do.

And I still think about you loads, Ronnie.

It is 1.17 a.m.
Night sky through the window has a tinge of orange-purple hue.
The autumn sun sets at around 5.30 p.m.,
Throwing the skies into darkness that reminds one of 9 p.m.,
And completely destorying the desires to work.

I am sleepless.
I am feeling kinda blue again.
I am in no mood to write about Saturday now.
And I am unable to stop thinking about The Girl.

An Announcement.
As much as I would like it to be so,
That gorgeous girl ain't my girlfriend.
Yeah, it was a prank,
Some cheap thrill.
That is the Nicole I've been raving about since Roma.
And I'm currently very worried about her,
Thanks to the raging fires in South California,
And the lack of a reply from her.

Now for the seemingly long weekend.
Kinda stoned out at work today,
Thanks to 2 consecutive nights of clubbing.

Friday, Halloween.
Presentation of the pumpkins I carved (see Fridae profile).
Afterall, Jack Skellington is the King of Pumpkins.
If anyone really want to see all the pictures,
Drop off your contact and I'll send them.
Gave Jia hers at lunch,
And got a tea egg in return. :D
Passed Ming hers at Waterloo.
Went to Fulham to meet Christophe and co.,
And got stopped at the door for a long time,
Because Bald Bouncer felt I was underage,
And that I was using a fake ID!
After alot of tough arguments and nice requesting,
He suddenly smiled and asked us to enter.
?!?!?! - I don't get it either.

The best thing about Western countries,
Is that girls don't expect you to buy them drinks.
Everyone buys everyone to even out.
Ended up very whoozy after 4 rounds of Snakies.
Bid the ex-flatties goodbye at 11 pm.
Somehow ended up on the DLR,
And sending the last J. O'L. to the K sisters.
They couldn't meet me, and don't think they were awake,
So I hung in on their car window.

It was 1 in the morning,
So train services had ended.
Thought I would have to spend the night at the station.
Was chased out from the Canary Wharf station,
Just as I stepped out of the last train.
Quivered at the bus stop while waiting for a night bus.
The cold winds and rain didn't help the situation.
Hid in the classic phone booth nearby.
Remembered the ex wasn't feeling too good lately.
So decided to ring her.
Mobile wasn't answered, so I called her house.
Auntie Vicki said she was sleeping, and told me to try again.
I didn't.
Somewhere along the way,
I got up the bus which eventually came,
Intuitively stopped at Trafalgar Square,
Where I threw up berry-colored liquid & bits of potato,
Under one of the trees near where I alighted.
Walked in the cold to a bus stop nearer the square,
Took the right bus but stopped at the wrong stop.
Walked my way home.
Managed to cook some maggi noodles with vegetables,
And flatmate offered me some mini springrolls.
Slept at 3.30 a.m.

That was only Friday evening to Saturday morning.