Pondering.
If I can't be The Prince that gets The Princess,
Will becoming Tai Zi bring me back my Tai Zi Fei ?

Sven & Jack are biking buddies.
Why they don't bike together:
Sven goes at around 120km/h ;
Jack goes at around 12km/h.

. biking theories .
1_ Optimist: If it's always been downhill, don't fret - Uphill is coming.
2_ Pessimist: Ditto.
3_ Slopes are seldom noticed when you are driving.

Overwhelmed by fatigue.
Went cycling along Upper Thomson Road.
Took a break half an hour later,
Sat outside a closed restaurant,
Then it started to drizzle.
Cycled home.

NParks chopped off a large tree near my house.

:/

Saw Mom's makeover photos.
"Wah, is this actually my mother?"
Interesting cover, looks like some Women mag,
And she looks glam.
"You look old in the kimono one leh."
"But I am old."

:/

Tired.

Saw a Shrek book that inspired the movie yesterday.
Was gonna dial dinnermate's number then,
But somehow pressed someone else's number instead.
Quickly pressed 'cancel'.
Stunned.
Hope it wasn't a 'by default'.
'Reflex action' would be worse.

Red Yellow Green Blue Magenta Cyan White Color 8 Color 255
CAD is killing my vision and mental images.
*rub eyes*
Cold and Tired.

'Fabulous weekend' is an understatement.
Two consecutive happy clubbing nights,
Followed by hanging out with buddies on Sunday.
Having people who really care are the best things in life, really.
Ten years down the road,
Hope we'll still be partying and chilling out together.

Just woke up from the kitchen floor.
Man, I was totally sloshed.
Jason's birthday thing definitely blew me off.
Thanks, my closest friends,
And here is to 10 years of friendship and more.
Cheers.
* c l i n k *
* h i c *
The world was indeed more beautiful.

Your name is Jack,
But I call you Shrek.
You've been a true friend.
Pardon this for making no sense.

Eeeps!
I'm going mad!

Mad Evening followed by Mad Monks.
Watched my drinking cos tomorrow is party night.
Heard that the world looks more beautiful when one is drunk.
Apparently, I was sober.

Feeling extra off-beat.
Gonna try to use words efficiently from now on.
Will start exploiting one of my other 4 blogsites,
Then link to this one.

Sven Buddy,
Think my lack of luck is being compensated for on your side.

Before I forget,
I'd just like to add that I did something silly yesterday evening.
But it was quite worthwhile in it's own way.

Fiona,
I think you look pretty cute in your school uniform.

I think too much.
And it is worse when I think wrongly.
Normality is subjective.

The fairytale on Kay-lene's blog is... so original.
* l o l *
But I don't think the moral was not to give up.
It just shows how superficial the princess was.
And how forgiving the frog was.
So maybe the moral is:
Nevermind if you were a frog, as long as you find means to be a Prince.
But honestly, I still prefer Shrek.
- I knew the ending when they used the word "true love" ! -
Heard that Shrek2 is in the making.
Hooray!

Speaking of Princes,
Should I head towards the Machiavelli way,
Or stay on my path of the Little Prince?

Bruce Lee. Teresa Teng. John Lennon. Princess Diana. Brandon Lee.
These people died at the prime time in their life.
Or somewhere close to that.
We rememeber them pretty well, if not very well.

Michael Jordan quit NBA at his peak.
Then he went back to it.
Then he quit.
Then he went back.
Then...
I guess we got tired trying to remember.

If people are most remembered when they leave at their prime,
Then I don't know what the heck I'm doing.
Ronnie knew better.

Sometimes I can't figure out,
If the words I received were meant to be a gentle rejection,
Or a slam in the face cushioned by a phone directory.

Some frogs do want to become Princes, just to be with the Princesses.
We shouldn't take things for granted,
Even if we believe things should work that way.

One thing that I realised today,
I need to find new, innovative ways to say things.
'Cos when I hear a "yar that's what others told me too",
I feel so damn original.

Anyway, I finally said whatever I could.
Perhaps not everything,
But at least I can say I won't live to regret not expressing how I feel.
Of course it wasn't easy.
Besides the courage factor,
It is never easy when words are not enough.
What's worse, this is my very first time.

In the end, I still don't know what to do.
Or rather, I don't know what else I can do.
What is normal?
I'm not even talking about what is right and what is wrong.
And who is to judge? Who cares who's judging?
I don't.

Guess I must have been too egoistic to believe we could be heading somewhere,
And too naive to believe in in the happily-ever-after in fairy tales.

In reality,
Beauty will not fall for the Beast, but will scream and run away;
The Frog will never have a Princess kiss it, and so will never become a Prince;
Princess Fiona will marry Lord Farquaad, while Shrek will live alone.

Did I just slam some nice fairy tales?
I really should be less serious about things.

If someone actually comes to our site to lift stuff,
I'll be more than happy to know our lines are honoured.
Starting to hate those sites with a pop-up lame warning,
'Cos I can't even press the middle button to scroll down.
Thank goodness I can still wave my middle finger.

kai bu liao kou
... the words still can't find their way out from the bottom of my heart ...

If you ever put your hands in mine,
I'll say, "Let me take you away."

I'm so tired of everything,
I just want to runaway.

Let today be Day One of my attempt to stop using ambiguous "you","her" and "she".

Princess,
If that paragraph was meant for me,
Please take a look at a post I made on 14th Dec.
And, things really aren't the way they are seen through your eyes too.

Sven,
It was great to chill together,
Taking lame pics, crime-watching, crapping,...
We really should do this more.

Brought my bruised ego to a friend's place to seek comfort.
Thanks for everything, from the hot drink to the hugs.
You know who you are.

To use Kay-lene's line,
"... i am a strong person by nature but that doesn't mean i can't feel pain..."
That sums up this weekend pretty well.

My modems just didn't work.
Yes I have 2 computers.
I always use the newer one.
When the newer one breaks down, I go back to the old one.
But I really prefer the newer one cos it's faster.
This time, both failed me.
If computers are like girls,
Then I hope I'll never take the one who is always around for granted.
(But there is no one so far, haha)

I tried to coax my modem many many times.
Then I turned violent and pulled out the wires and chucked them back.
It finally gave in.
I'm glad my hard work finally made something work today.

Back from Mad Monks.
Realised if you actually mix their Vodka 7-up with Bourbon Coke,
It actually taste pretty good.
And I'm still sober, be it good or bad.

2 girls asked if the seats were taken.
I said they could take the seats, so they sat down.
Surpriseing, cos people usually remove the seats,
Anyway, they (Denise and Stefie) were nicely chatty,
And Stefie the German girl offered me "South China Sea" fags.
* p u f f *
Jules & Jean the friendly couple introduced their friends -
Claudia the Brazilian was pretty;
Adeline was sweet and cute;
Elaner(?) was wickedly funny.
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick."
* l o l *
It was hiliarious.
Hope they'll be there again next week.

Seekee,
Thanks for offering a seat to me
- will make sure we go clubbing at MS once you reach 18! ;D

Buddy Sven,
If you were there, we would have had alot to talk about...

:: The Apple ::

Everyone wanted the apple on the tree.
For days and weeks, and perhaps even months,
They have been waiting, trying to reach it, be the first to grab it...
I was there a little later, but I didn't think it matters.
Afterall, I shook the tree,
And things didn't seem impossible.

But after some time,
The apple didn't seem like it would be getting anywhere.
I got demoralised, and walked away.
Yet when I looked back,
I realised I can't bear to just go away,
Cos I'll keep wondering for the rest of my life if it could have been mine.
So I went back.
Back to the tree and the apple.

One day, the winds changed direction,
And it started falling,
Towards the direction of an oblivious passer-by who took a glance at it.
Everyone ran towards them.

I wanted to run too.
But I slowed down, looked around,
And can't decide if I want apples anymore.

Liking is one thing,
Wanting is another,
Fighting is yet another.
There are still apples on the tree, I think.
There are still other fruit trees around.
But, am I even hungry?

[ I really tried.
But nothing works. ]

Managed to sleep before midnight yesterday.
By the way, the sets of lyrics got rejected.

Words of wisdom.
I ask why.
Van said "Because 'we' (the 2 people involved) are not meant to be."
Sucky reply.
Another statement from her would be more apt.
"... the fruit that can fall without shaking, indeed is too mellow for me..."
I swear the above will haunt me for life.
And that is why jerks are born and people play hard-to-get.

Problem is,
I keep forgetting the rules of the club.
Being nice can be a terrible mistake.

I am totally burnt out too.
Falling asleep at every possible moment.

Totally burnt out.

Finished writing at 3am last night.
I prefer my old set of lyrics,
But other people prefer the new one.
It is hard to please yourself and everyone at the same time.

[Yesterday.Today.Tomorrow]

All the people I like are in love with someone else.
The first person I wanted to go for after my previous relationship ended.
She is in love.
Yar I think I am very DUH too.
Hahaha.

Need to submit a set of lyrics in an hour,
But I'm still stoning.

Today,
The truth surfaced.

Hahaha.
I am always right.

Kay-lene,
You don't know how right you were when you said that
Some people are made to cross paths,
So that one can help the other get over the ex/TTP*,
Then your paths start to diverge again.

Hey dude,
Remember that question you posted me?
What will I do if I stuck in a situation like yours?
I'll be very stuck for sure,
Cos while I don't wanna be hurt by the same person twice,
I also don't wanna be hurt by someone who loves me less.
At this moment, I know what I'll choose.
But who knows what happens tomorrow? Or even a few hours later?

To those who are complaining about what I just typed:
Why bother reading our blog if it bugs you?
To those who making general complaints about being confused by all the 'you' and 'she',
And have no idea what we are talking about,
Why are you still reading it?

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Jerky buddy,
How are you?
Didn't get to talk to you yesterday...
Just wanted to drop you a note,
That you've been a great friend.
(Do not worry; no gay intentions here!)

It is so hard to go on fighting and trying,
When you realise you are going nowhere,
And nothing is keeping you going.
It's worse when you get hints that the game will be over,
And you won't be the winner.
To hell with enjoying the process of things.
I'm tired.

Girls.
Weird creatures.
Can't live with them.
Can't live without them.

Once eaten,
Twice seasoned.
I've been eating like mad.
*crunch crunch*
Eating my words like mad.
And feeling happier each time.
It is just so hard to follow through,
When I know that I don't wanna do whatever I said.
And there will be greater joy,
If you tell me you are glad that I went back on what I said.

We all eat our words.
That's nothing new.
I just ate my very own words of not keeping in touch.
There are three lies I'm going to tell.
[1] You were never on my mind the past few days.
[2] I felt indifferent when I saw you yesterday.
[3] Fear of the ending is gonna keep me away.

Read quote from Babe Ruth yesterday :
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
I guess I was never much of a quitter,
And I have let fear and pride overtaken my heart.
But just when I decided that I am going to just go with my heart,
I received two messages that nearly crushed me.
Van was right when she told me,
Be very careful what you wish for.
It may just come true.

Funny thing is, life goes around in circles.
It seems like dancing -
Once you take a step forward, she takes a step back.
Beware, cos if you ever take a step back,
When you finally decide to be brave and step forward again,
She might have already left.

Perhaps of all the blues,
The memory of the two weeks in which I lost everything came.
First I lost the priviledge to drive (cos Dad sold his car),
Then I lost the priviledge to chill in the club (cos Dad sold his membership).
But she told me,
"Don't fret, it's ok, you still have me."
Then she left.
It is strange how people always go against their words once they make a promise.

I'm starting to miss those time I am loved for who I am.
When I could dress in the rattiest clothes,
But I was still loved.
When I had messy and overgrown hair,
But I was still loved.
When I was grouchy, childish and obnoxious,
But I was still very much loved.

Victor Hugo was darn right when he said,
The supreme happiness in life,
is the conviction that we are loved
--- loved for ourselves,
Or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

Someone once told me,
The thing about being a jerk is to know you are one,
Admit you are one when exposed.
The best part is, somehow people will still come to you.
Because despite the controversy,
Girls do like Bad Boys.

If your decision is causing no one happiness,
Why choose it?
It is not about courage, really.
If it is purely about being fair,
Who is it fair to? Who feels the fairness?
Perhaps this is why some people rather not choose.
But that, absolutely sucks too.

I think,
Setting up the Jerk Club
Is really a curse.
Because I've really become a real jerk.
J-E-R-K.
But then,
Are jerks supposed to feel anything?

Triple the pain.
Hers,
Yours,
And my own.

I had 2 dreams last night.
Of horror,
then of heartache.

Thanks to the mysterious sliding cup in my office,
I dreamt that some spirit lifted and threw me from my bed onto my cold hard floor.
All the time my eyes were closed and I felt the cold hard floor.
I woke up to feel the comfort of my mattress,
Terrified while kept my eyelids clamped.

Dream II.
My ex-girlfriend rang me, crying on the other line again.
Apparently, her current other-half is unhappy about something, again.
I called her some point later in the dream to try cheer her up,
Forgetting that it meant using up the very last 'lifeline' (emergency call),
Depleting all possibilities of contact.

Woke up to the ringing of my mobile around 4odd,
Only to find that reality has sent me a heartbroken girl, crying.

[feelin' blue]

Your Daily Streats Horoscope

Scorpio
You wield a powerful influence over distant events.
The Cancer moon ensures that, up close and personal, you're nothing less than charming.
No matter what kind of relationship you're in, it's easy to love.

Pisces
Under the Cancer moon, Pisces is part alchemist and part public relations wizard.
You can tell others want, and you can usually give them the real thing.
Mix up a special blend to set aside for your own private use.

HA HA HA.
I have no idea what that last line was about.
And I am going to delete the old horoscopes.

Made a little change to the template.
Now our posts will only have our nicks and not our full name spelt out.
Hurray, I can handle a bit of HTML.
I'm just waiting to do a new blogskin for a secret testing site.

I digressed.
The point I wanted to make was,
Why is everything in a big mess,
When it is not even 10 days into the new year?

Sven,
Sometimes you can't leave things hanging for too long.
The choice to not decide is simply not a good decision in the long run.
Despite my ill temporary advice earlier on.
When all I wanted was to not hurt anyone, it got me nowhere.
Now the time has come,
For you to make one good decision -
One that you won't be kicking yourself for in future,
No matter how things eventually turn out in the end.
The Traumatic Past (otherwise known as TTP) will always leave us hiding in a shadow,
but how quickly we get out of the dark is really up to us.
Meanwhile, those who love us is hopefully there to lend a hand to warm the way.
Good luck.

Rushed home from work.
Reached the door at 9.50pm,
Happily went to switch on the TV so I could catch 'Life Is Beautiful' while taping 'Charmed'.
What a fantastic plan, huh.
But Mom woke up and walked out of her room.
She stopped me while the TV was showing some chinese variety show.
I mean, it wasn't a bad variety show definitely, but
HEY!
'Life Is Beautiful' is on !!
I was burnt out by work, famished, and hence didn't protest.
I decided to be nice and record the movie using the vcr.
Afterall, they show the charmed ones weekly.
Threw a whole lot of carrots, sausages and crabsticks into my instant noodles
Cos that was dinner - at 10pm - and I was hungry.
And half-way through dinner-cum-email-checking,
I realised the tape stopped running after one pathetic minute.
Nothing was taped.
No show.
Nothing for me to watch at all.
So much for "a very good day".
It was just suppose to be a thought, wasn't it?

I think Kay will find this as accurate as yesterday.

Your Daily Horoscope
[Abstracted from Streats | Wed 08 Jan 2003 ]

Scorpio
It's a great day for scorpions to get to the bottom of things.
There may be some outstanding emotional or work-related issues
- deal with them now to achieve the best outcome.

Pisces
Make sure your communication is being heard the way you intend it to be....
[the rest is irrelevant]

Gemini
It's a very good day for the Twins so make the most of it.
You are in the limelight, and everything you touch turns into gold.
Hold that thought.

I still have 3 hours odd to hold onto that thought.
But I'm still at work.
This is crazy.

Jack,
I remember that night when I sat on the ledge.
Though I survived,
A part of me must have died.
Because when I look in the mirror,
I don't recognize myself anymore.
Tell me this isn't the real me.
Or has a traumatic experience,
Awaken the President from his slumber?

I believe we have one same selfish thought:
"How come no one understands how things ain't easy for me too?
Why does she only care how she herself feels?"
And as we walk away,
We try to make ourselves feel better by saying
"I'm doing this for you."
That's why we are all so vexed.
Because we all know that isn't true.

Looking at my advice to Sven,
(written in bold on 040103)
It applies to you too.
I feel like the biggest [oxy]moron.

People asked me why I stopped wanting to try.
But really,
What is the point of trying,
When I know that I will never be The One for you?
It will only work,
If I am not trying alone.
It takes two hands to clap,
And in the end it is you who will decide
Whose hand you will take.
I'll rather hurt myself now,
Than let anyone else hurt me.
Unless... ...

Don't worry Jack,
I will kick you now.
You are really silly...

And it went like this.
I wanted to cut off contact with a certain "her".
Because it would hurt once I seriously fall for her.
But someone else stole my words last night,
And I didn't think she'd wanna hear the same thing twice in a few hours.
So it was sort of left unsaid.
A few hours ago,
While we were walking under the stars,
I told her to assume that I'm going abroad the next day.
Indefinitely.
As usual, I don't bring my mobile out of the country.
I guess from now on,
I'll get some emails if I am lucky.

[I know one day, I'll kick myself for this and my theory of 'self-preservation'.]

I'm being thanked on some girl's blog.
Yay-factor
For once, I finally don't feel taken for granted.
Boo-factor
What happened to being a jerk?!

The Dark Knight just has another note to add :
I think Fate just wants me to be there to wipe their tears.
And we all know what happens after that.

Sven,
That's what buddies are for.
You are just kinda caught in the R-V situation I was in the last time.
Just remember,
Even when you have chosen not to decide,
You have still made a choice.

As for the girls,
I guess there should be some 'feel-good' factor to know that
Even if I can't be Prince Charming,
At least I can be the Dark Knight.
[notice the lack of charm hence a hidden face]
I'm getting so used to it maybe one day I will start enjoying it.

Jack,
I am sorry.
Everyone is coming to you with problems.

Maybe if I keep reminding myself of who I love[d],
I will stop thinking about you.

[Fine, So there are times people don't really wanna look ahead.]

Sven,
We should try to keep up our images for a similar reason too.
I always look ahead.
Glad you picked yourself up.
Or rather, glad Kay-lene picked you up. ;]

Kay,
Be nice.
Bitchy but nice. :D
[And don't forget to cook my share]

Jack,
That was hilarious.
I'm sorry I haven't been writing in this blog.
I know it's supposed to be a shared chore!

I think,
The reason why ex-gfs always tend to look better,
Is because they want us to feel mad.
Mad that we can never get them back.
But hell,
Let's look ahead, haha.

Have you ever met someone you used to like,
And realise she looks even better than she used to ?
Or in a worse case,
Have you ever left someone,
Only to realise later that she blossomed by a great multitude?
And that she is hotter than ever ?
Do you kick yourself very hard,
Then either try to get her again/back ?

I have yet to suffer the above.
And I hope I'll never have to.

[ feelin' superficial ]

Happy 2003, Sven (and our avid readers) !
I walked from Mad Monks to Thomson Road Europa at the dawn of this new year.
Good thinking session and exercise.

New Year Resolution:
Either Be the Best, or Don't Do It.
I never want to be Second Best (or lesser) again.

Never.